Gut Punch
by sheisdifferent
Summary: Life isn’t fair sometimes, Harvey finds this out in the most heartbreaking of ways. Lucky he has Donna to help him through it. The end of 9x08, from Donna’s perspective.


She stands at the window, staring unseeingly out at the city lights. Her own reflection stares back at her, pale and wide eyed.

She can't believe this has happened.

She can't believe that she has to be the one to tell him. Again.

God, he's so happy now too, after putting Malek away. She's going to ruin that. Her heart hurts. She's got no idea how to tell him. Doesn't want to see that look of devastation on his face. She has to though, this news could only come from her.

After she'd hung up from a shell shocked and sobbing Marcus, having had a short conversation that only gave her the bare facts, (Heart attack. In her sleep. Didn't suffer.) she'd sat on the sofa and cried.

For Lily. A woman she'd never got to officially meet, even though she'd desperately wanted to. For Marcus. For his kids. But especially for Harvey. Harvey, who'd only just begun to have the relationship he'd always wanted with his mother. A relationship that has now been tragically cut short. Harvey, who's come so far in the short 6 months they'd been together.

She loved him completely, more than she'd ever thought possible. He was going to need her now, more than ever, so she somehow managed to pull herself together. Dried her eyes, and now here she was. Waiting for him. Waiting to be the one to give him news nobody wanted to hear.

She hears the door open, and closes her eyes. It hurts to see him so buoyant, knowing that she's about to ruin it. He takes one look at her face, and knows something is wrong. She tells him the only way she knows how. Straightforward and honest. She sees his face go slack with shock, and she's there, wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she can.

He buries his face in her neck, and she feels his tears falling as he holds her. His breathing is choppy and she squeezes her eyes shut, feeling tears of her own slipping down her cheeks. He lets out a sob and she holds him tighter, as she feels him go slack against her.

He is crying in earnest now, letting her take all of his weight. She murmurs soothing nonsense into his ear. _I'm here. I love you. I've got you. I'm so sorry. I'm right here. I love you. I'm so sorry, honey _He's clutching her so tightly she can barely breathe. She doesn't care. She'll give him whatever he needs. His body is bowed down, curled around hers, and she slowly lowers them until they are on the floor, curling her body around him and cradling him to her like a child.

She runs her hands down his back, through his hair, kisses his cheek, the top of his head that is buried in her chest.

He cries like his heart is breaking, and hers breaks along side it. This isn't fair! None of this is fucking fair. He'd already lost his father, and now his mother. All she wants to do is take this away, she'd take his pain and make it her own if she could. She knows she can't. She knows he's got to feel this.

She feels absurdly grateful for a guilty second, that she's able to be here for him this time. When his father had died, she hadn't even hugged him, knew he'd reject any attempt at comfort. Now he clings to her like she's his lifeline, the only thing keeping him from drowning. She marvels at how far he's come, even as she despairs over the awful reason behind him allowing her to comfort him in the first place.

After a long while he calms a little, and lifts his head to look at her. Her heart breaks all over again at the lost look on his face. She cups his face gently between her hands, and kisses his cheek, his forehead. He closes his eyes. 'What.. how..' he croaks. She strokes his hair, and tells him what he needs to know.

'She went in her sleep. She didn't suffer.' She whispers. He nods robotically. 'Marcus? I need to...' He begins to move to get up. She stills him with a gentle hand on his arm. 'You can. You will, but not tonight, okay? Marcus called me, he's with Katie and the girls tonight. They're looking after him, and I'm looking after you. Tell me what you need.' She says softly. He shakes his head. 'I don't know I..' He trails off, sounding so very lost. She feels tears prick her eyes again.

'Okay. That's okay honey.' He looks at her again, a pleading expression on his face. She knows he needs her to take charge here. It is something she can do for him.

She kisses his forehead. 'Why don't you go take a shower okay? Get into some comfy clothes. I'll be with you in a bit. I've just got to make a few calls.' She states softly. He nods. 'Yeah. Okay. You'll... you'll be in soon? You're not going anywhere?' He says, voice uncertain. She swallows thickly, and hugs him tightly to her chest, kissing the side of his head. 'I'm not going _anywhere._' She says emphatically.

She hears him exhale softly, like he'd been holding his breath. Those abandonment issues where making an unwelcome comeback, not that she doesn't understand why that is.

She'd just have to show him that he has nothing to worry about when it comes to her. She'd follow him anywhere. She's never leaving him. They get slowly to their feet, and face each other. She kisses him chastely, hands running soothingly up and down his arms. He leans his forehead against hers, breathing her in, like he's trying to absorb strength from her. She'd gladly give it to him. She'd give him everything. He nods once, and slips out of her arms, heading for the bedroom.

She watches him go, and feels a traitorous sob catch in her throat. No. She can't break. He needs her to be strong for him right now, but seeing him hurting this much breaks her heart. She feels an irrational bubble of anger in her chest, as she thinks about how unfair this all is. But death isn't fair. She knows this. A phrase from a song or a poem, she can't remember which, runs through her head-

**_ Death doesn't discriminate _**

**_ Between the sinners and the saints _**

**_ It takes and it takes and it takes…_**

How appropriate. How very fucking appropriate. She sighs, suddenly exhausted. Running her hands over her eyes, she picks up her phone from the counter, and presses on Louis's name. The phone rings a few times before he answers.

'Donna, hi!!! I'm so glad you called, you'll never guess what happened tonight, I proposed to Sheila and she said yes!' Louis babbles excitedly. She closes her eyes. 'Wow! Louis that's great, congratulations.' She manages, hearing the forced cheer in her voice. There is a beat of silence. 'Donna? What's wrong?' Louis asks worriedly. 'Is it Harvey? I thought that situation with Malek and Forseman was sorted?' Donna sighs tiredly.

'No, it is. That's not why I'm calling. Look Louis, we got some bad news tonight. Harvey's mother...she had a heart attack. She didn't make it.' She says sadly. Another beat of silence. 'Oh my God. That's horrible. How.. how is he?' He murmurs.

Donna shoots a look toward the bedroom. 'To be honest, I think he's in shock a little. He's devastated. I just...' her voice cracks. She hears Louis sigh sadly. 'And you?' He asks. Donna shakes her head. 'I'm fine. This isn't about me.' She murmurs. 'No, it's not. But he's your partner, and this must be hard for you too.' He says softly.

She takes in a shaky breath. 'It is, but only because I'm so sad for him. God Louis, you know as well as I do that they'd only just begun to have a real relationship, and now...' she trails off, tears slipping down her cheeks. 'He's going to need you', Louis says quietly. Donna nods. 'I know. And I will be here. Look, I'm sorry for calling so late, I just wanted to let you know what's going on. We probably won't be back in the office for a few days.' She says quietly.

'Of course. And Donna, if either of you need _anything_, you know I'm here for you both.' Louis says softly. 'Thank you Louis. And congratulations again, I really am so happy for you. Sorry I couldn't be more excited.' She apologises. She hears him make a dismissive sound. 'Don't worry about that. You just go take care of Harvey. Tell him I'm sorry.' He says. She nods. 'I will. Thanks Louis.' As she presses the end button, she hears the shower start up.

She closes her eyes, and knows she's got one more phone call to make. She hits speed dial 2 and waits for her call to be answered. 'Donna, hi!' Rachel's voice answers. She smiles at the sound of her best friends voice. 'Hey Rach.' She says tiredly. She hears Rachel murmur something to someone-probably Mike- before she's back. 'What's wrong?' She says softly to her. Donna lets out a broken little laugh. 'How do you know something's wrong?' She says. She hears Rachel snort. 'Because I'm your best friend, and I can tell. What's happened?' She murmurs soothingly.

Donna sinks down onto the sofa, slipping out of her shoes as she does. 'Is Mike there?' She asks. There is a beat of silence. Things have been tense since Mike was here last. She's tried not to let it affect her friendship with Rachel, but it hadn't been easy. 'He is. Is that..okay?' Rachel asks uncertainly. Donna sighs. 'Yeah. Yes, it's good actually. Can you put me on speaker?' She asks. There is a bit of fumbling before she hears Mike's voice. 'Donna, hey.' He says , voice hesitant.

Donna smiles softly. She may still be a little mad at him for the things he said to Harvey when he was here last, but he'll always be that little puppy she met that first day in her eyes. 'Hey Mike. Look, I'm calling with some bad news. Harvey's Mom had a heart attack tonight. She didn't make it.' She says quietly. There is a shocked inhale from Rachel. 'Oh my God, Donna, that's so awful!' She says. Donna lets out a soft sound of agreement. 'Yeah. It really is' She says softly. 'How is he?' Mike says quietly. Donna feels tears prick her eyes again. 'He's...not great Mike. He's devastated. I've never seen him... I'm not sure what...' she trails off, her voice cracking.

'Hey, hey. Alright, okay. Look I'm coming. I'm going to grab the first flight out tomorrow, okay?' Mike says soothingly. Donna lets out a relieved breath. 'Yeah. Okay. Thanks, I wasn't sure if you...' Mike cuts her off. 'Of course I'm going to come. He's my best friend, Donna. None of that other crap matters anymore, okay?' He says quietly.

Donna nods. 'Yeah okay. Thanks Mike.' She hears a sniffle. 'Rach?' She asks. 'Yeah. I'm here. I'm so sorry Donna, I really want to come out too, but we're in the middle of a big case, and with Mike going I can't... ' Donna cuts her off. 'Rach. It's okay, I understand, and Harvey will too, okay?' She says gently. Rachel sniffles again. 'I'm so sorry Donna. I'd really like to be there for Harvey, and for you. Give him my love? And please tell him how sorry I am.' She says softly.

Donna grips her phone tighter, as she hears the shower turn off. 'I will. Look I've got to go, but Mike, call me when you get in. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll call you soon, okay Rach?' She asks. 'Yes, definitely. I'll talk to you soon. Love you, Donna.' She says sweetly. 'Love you too, Rach. Bye guys' she murmurs, and puts her phone down on the coffee table. She closes her eyes, giving herself a moment to pull herself together.

She needs to go in there and be his rock right now, and her emotions are running way to close to the surface. She takes a deep, steadying breath and stands up, padding over to their bedroom silently. She finds him sitting on the edge of the bed, clad only in a pair of old sweatpants, eyes trained on the painting leaned up against the wall. With everything that had gone on this past week, they hadn't found time to hang it.

She sits down next to him, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly, and leaning her head against his shoulder. She doesn't say anything, waiting for him to speak. When he does, his voice is small.

'I can't believe she's gone.' She kisses his shoulder gently. 'I know.' she agrees softly. 'It's not fair...I only just...I wasted so much time being angry at her, if I'd known... she cuts him off, not being able to stand it.

'Harvey, no. You cannot think that way. You couldn't have known this would happen, and even if you had... you were angry at her for reasons that were valid. Did you hang on to it a little long? Maybe. But you had to be ready to let it go, to forgive her, in your own time. You got there, and you got to have time with her, to get to know one another. It's not enough, I know that, but she loved you, Harvey. And you loved her. She knew that.' She finishes softly. He looks at her then, eyes shiny with unshed tears. 'Did she?' He breathes. Donna nods, gripping his hand tighter. 'Yes. She did, Harvey, I know she did.' She says emphatically. He closes his eyes, and nods.

'I don't know what to do now. Who do I call? I've got to plan a funeral, I've got to talk to Marcus... I don't know where...' she stops his panicked rambling with a gentle hand on his cheek. He leans into it, closing his eyes again. He looks exhausted. The stress from everything that he's gone through this week, and now the news of his mother's death, it's taken it's toll.

'I'm going to take care of all that, okay? I don't want you to worry about it. Tomorrow, you'll talk to Marcus, and we'll go up to Boston. We'll deal with it all then. But tonight, we can't do anything. You need to get some sleep.' She says gently. He opens his eyes and looks at her, his eyes soft. 'I don't know what I'd do without you.' He murmurs, leaning over to kiss her cheek gently. She lets go of his hand, and wraps both arms around his bare shoulders, pulling him to her. 'You'll never have to find out' She says, voice thick with emotion.

He holds on to her tightly for a few moments, before she gently pulls away. 'Let's go to bed' she suggests softly. He nods tiredly, and she pulls him to his feet, pulling the covers back and watching as he gets in. She quickly changes into her nightgown, and slips in next to him. He immediately pulls her to him, and rests his head on her chest. She kisses the top of his damp head, and runs her hands gently up and down his back.

She feels him shake a little, and tears fall onto her chest. She squeezes her eyes shut tightly, and closes her arms around him. 'I really wish you could have met her.' He chokes. She kisses the top of his head again, leaning her cheek on his soft hair. 'Me too.' She whispers. He is silent for a long time, body slowly relaxing, breathing slowly evening out. She thinks he might have fallen asleep, when he suddenly lifts his head and looks at her, an intense expression on his face.

Donna frowns slightly, lifting her hand and gently running it through his hair. 'What is it?' She asks softly. He leans down and kisses her, long and sweet. He pulls back after a minute, and cups her cheek in his hand. 'Remember when your dad came to town? And you got mad at me because I hadn't told...' He chokes off, but she knows exactly what he meant. 'I remember' she whispers. 'I called her that night, my mom. We talked about you. I told her you were the one.' He says simply, his voice hoarse with emotion.

Donna looks up at him adoringly. 'You did huh?' She asks, smiling softly. He nods. 'I did. And you are. My mom, she was so happy that we were together. She was happy that I'd found someone to share my life with. I think she always worried I wouldn't. That I couldn't after... after what happened with her and my dad.' He finishes, shaking his head slightly. Donna leans up and kisses his cheek. 'She was so proud of you, Harvey. Of the man you are, the man that you've become. She told me that. Nothing made her more happy than to know _you_ were happy.' She says, running her thumb over his cheekbone.

He looks down at her, so many emotions on his face, she can't even begin to differentiate them. 'I love you. I don't say it enough. If today's taught me anything, it's that life is short. I should have spent every day of the last 15 years telling you I love you, because I do. I did. I think I always have. I'll spend the rest of my life showing you how much. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, Donna.' He says hoarsely. She feels tears spring in her eyes. This man. It shouldn't surprise her anymore, the way he is so open with how he feels. How he feels about _her._ It does though, sometimes. In the very best way.

'I love you too, Harvey. So much. I always have. And I always will.' She promises, leaning up to kiss him. They kiss softly for awhile, before she pulls back. 'Sleep. You're exhausted.' She implores softly. He nods, and puts his head back down on her chest, arms going around her.

She holds him back tightly, and feels him relax completely, breath evening out. She rests her cheek on top of his head again, and breathes in the spicy scent of his shampoo. The next few days and weeks were going to be hard, she knew that, but she'd be there with him. She'd always be there with him.

Life could throw the most unexpected curveballs at you. Sometimes they were welcomed with joy, other times with deep sorrow. If she knew anything, it was that it was always easier to handle when you had someone to walk with you. She tightens her arms around her someone, and closes her eyes.


End file.
